Reflection: in life

N.B. This article was lifted up from the "Insideout": the official publication of Don Bosco Seminary, Canlubang. This article is a bit edited compared to the original article. This is about my consolations in life. Just sit back, relax and enjoy! :-)

A Sweet Reward
by del_cabanog

In everything we do, there's always a consolation at the end. That was the realization that came to my mind as I was writing this editor's column. I have been through a lot of hardships and trials that sometimes almost crushes me to the ground. But God has its own ways and luckily, I'm still alive and I believe this is God's greatest manifestation of His love for me.

Isn't that ironic: I said that as long as I'm alive, God still loves me, but as I continue breathing, things are getting harder and harder? I just went back to the seminary last September and with the resolutions that I had during that time, it seems that now I find it hard to live for my faith. Temptations are getting stronger, it's harder to look for personal time to be with the Lord and of course, requirements become more a burden to me than the previous ones. I even feel like giving up. But amidst the storms of life, God helps me to walk on the water together with Him, for nothing is impossible with Him.

This week, I was asked by my cooperating teacher to print a file which comprises the first years' pointers to review and a poem entitled: "Footprints in the Sand". That poem simply reminds me of my resolution (another one): "Take things one step at a time". Sometimes, I cannot anymore carry the demand of the requirements (both in the school and in the seminary). But for some unknown reason except that I just call onto the Lord, my fears to face the burden banishes realizing that at the end of the week, I was able to conquer those dark days in my life. Truly, God carries me during the times that I cannot anymore carry the burdens in life.

To be frank with you, I find it hard to teach English to my students (both the Thais and the High School students) because I was accustomed not to listen to my teachers wayback to my elementary and high school years. Now, I'm eating again the things that I should have learned before. I can also see myself in the attitudes of my students, not just their positive sides but also the negative ones. I feel that I'm not competent to become a teacher, that my students may not learn anything from me; that I cannot teach English properly, etc. But you know, whenever I recall that happend the past week, I just hear myself speaking: "I was able to survive the week. Thanks be to God".

One thing that made my Student Teaching so memorable is when a Thai student (Numtan) gave me a small, brown and cute teddy bear. Maybe she got fascinated with my teaching style (using stuff toys) but more than that, I was really moved by that event (when she gave me the bear) simply because I desired for it. I used their (Thais) stuff toys during their class. That teddy bear reminds me of the moments that I've been with them.

Sharing these instances in my life, I may confirm that despite the failures that I received, there are still god sides to look upon. Such successes in life inspire us to forge on. When you feel that you cannot anymore handle your problems, let God steer the wheel for you. I'm sure that in the end of every trial, there is always a consolation.

God is good all the time. All the time God is good. :-)

reflection: in life...

sa buhay, dumadating tayo sa punto nang nasa oras na tayo nang kagipitan at hindi mo na alam ang gagawin.

hindi ko na tuloy alam kung ano ang aking gagawin. gulung-gulo na ako. pakitingnan muna ang
lyrics na nasa ibaba...

[Verse 1]
I had nothing to say
and i get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(i was confused)
and i live it all out to find, but im not the only person wit these things in mind
(inside of me)
but all that they can see the words revealed
is the only real thing that i got left to feel
(nothing to lose)
just stuck hollow and alone
and the fault is my own and the fault is my own

[Chorus]
i wanna heal i wanna feel what i thought was never real
i wanna let go of the pain ive felt so long.
erase all the pain til its gone
i wanna heal i wanna feel like im close to something real.
i wanna find something ive wanted all along
somewhere i belong

and i got nothing to say. i cant believe i didnt fall right down on my face
(i was confused)
look at everywhere only to find.
it is not the way i had imagined it all in my mind.
(so what am i)
what do i have but negativity
cuz i cant trust no one by the way everyone is looking at me
(nothing to lose)
nothing to gain im hollow and alone
and the fault is my own
and the fault is my own

[repeat chorus]

[Verse 3] (Chester)
I will never know myself until i do this on my own
cuz i will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
i will never be anything til i break away from me
i will break away. ill find myself today

[repeat chorus]

this song really speaks a lot of my situation that i am having right now. i get lost in the nothingness inside of me. gulung-gulo na ako na hindi ko na nga alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. mahirap magdecide ngayon kung nasa loob ako pero deep inside pala ay may bumabagabag sa akin. Ibang klase ang bumabagabag sa'kin e. i want to erase all the pain till its gone. i feel that my home, my family will help me a lot regarding this crisis that i am having now. i dunno really what to do.

I wil never be anything til i break away from me. i broke away from myself (inside) and now ill find myself today (outside). I wanna find something i wanted all along

SOMEWHERE I BELONG!

Strike up the band

Wala man lang akong nagawa kahapon. May nakapag-nakaw kasi ng aking kamalayan sa pag-aaral sa puntong nabaling na lang ang kasiyahan ko sa pakikinig ng mga kanta ni Michelle Branch. Naaalala ko tuloy ang high school days ko, specifically noong 2nd year high school pa ako. Isa sa mga pinakamasasayang araw ko yung 2nd year dahil sa ako ay kabilang pa sa top ten sa batch noong panahong iyon. May mga nakilala rin akong mga astig na tao na itago na lang natin sa mga pangalang Mr. Dacumos, Rj Jacala, Paulo Isip, Zeus Tagnipez at Joseph Cabrera. hahaha.

Ngayon na nakakatugtog na ako ng gitara, mas naapreciate ko na ang musika di tulad noong ako'y nasa high school pa lamang. Nag-iiba nga talaga ang panahon. At sa pagdaan nito, nagbabago rin ang tao. Tama nga, ngayon, mas gusto ko na ang music dahil sa masarap making at gayahin ang mga paborito mong kanta. Parang gusto mong maging kasing galing ng ginagaya mo kahit na malayo pang mangyari.

A Day... Full of Blood

I thought it was Father's blood. I didn't expect that the blood spilled in the football field was mine. I never thought, I never thought.

Yesterday, we had a football game. The game was so close to the point that the red team only got its victory from "five-kickers." Napakatindi nang laban. Mas matindi pa sa laban ng blue at green. Siguro, masyado lang talagang uhaw sa tagumpay ang bawat koponan. Ngunit sa huli ay natalo rin ang green team pero no regrets. We fought a good fight. We deserve to lose kasi magaling nga naman talaga ang naka-goal sa amin. :-)

Anyway, mayroong hindi inaasahan na pangyayari sa laro kahapon. Matapos mabunggo ang aking noo, hindi ko inaakala na sisirit ang dugo nang ganoon kalakas sa aking noo. Nakakadiri dahil sobrang lagkit ng dugo pero sa kabutihang palad, hindi naman ako umiyak o nahimatay. Mabuti na rin na nangyari sa akin yon dahil kung sa iba siguro nangyari ang sitwasyon na iyon, baka hindi nila makayanan ang sakit. hahaha...

Hindi ko maramdaman ang sakit nung umuulan pa nang dugo sa football field. Naramdaman ko na lang nung nasa kotse na ako at nakahiga. Paano kaya kung iba ang tinamaan ng ganoong sitwasyon, makayanan kaya nila?

Nagpapasalamat ako sa mga nagdasal, sumubaybay, at sumuporta sa akin habang ako ay isinugod sa isang ospital sa Mayapa. Akala ko mauubusan na ako ng dugo kasi sobrang dami talaga e. Pero sa kabutihang palad, nabuhay pa ako. hahaha... Pero alam ko naman na hindi pa iyon ang katapusan ko dahil naisip ko na may mas naghirap pa sa akin and yet, buhay pa.


O diba, mas naghirap Siya? He was the reason why I chose to live rather than to despair myself. Though I failed so much, I allowed it because I believe that that was His will for me so I may learn from it. Success, after all, is not how much you win or lose but it is how you play the game.

God bless...

Wake up call

Kagabi ay nagkaroon kami ng conference kay Fr. Joe at ito ay tungkol sa evaluation ng 3-day orintation na naganap from Feb. 8-10, 2008. Sobrang dami ng aming mga problema at siyempre, naglagay kami ng mga solusyon para maiwasan na ang mga problema sa mga susunod na 3-day orintation.

Para sa kaalaman ng lahat, ang 3-day orientation ay isang activity para sa mga gustong pumasok ng seminaryo. Sila ay maninirahan sa seminaryo at gagabayan sila ng mga seminarista nang sa gayon ay malaman nila kung ano nga ang buhay sa loob at kung paano mamuhay ang isang seminarista. Sa kabilang banda, sila (ang mga "orintationists") ay mamumuhay seminarista sa loob ng tatlong araw.

Tumagal nang halos isang oras ang evaluation at karamihan sa mga solusyon ay: RESPONSIBILIDAD NG SEMINARISTA ang gabayan ang kanilang mga "orintationists." Bago natapos ang evaluation, binigyan kami ng pagkakataong magsalita at sa kabutihang palad, ako lang ang nakapagsalita nang napaka... (hindi ko madeskrayb e). Plinano ko na ilagay ang aking repleksyon sa blog pagkatapos kong sabihin ang mga susunod na salitang galing mismo mga kabatak, sa aking utak:

"We are too lax. The seminary's ambiance is not anymore the ambiance that we had 3 years ago! I don't know why did the orintationists appreciate their guardians. Dahil nga ba sa hindi sila nag-eexert ng effort tuwing work. Siyempre, kung iyon ay magiging good point nila para pumasok ng seminaryo, siyempre, gagawin din nila iyon pag sila ay seminarista na. If we are just responsible enough for ourselves, we could have share more for our orientationists and solutions in our problems won't be like this. The common solution that we have in the board is that IT IS THE RESPONSIBLE OF EACH SEMINARIAN TO GUIDE THE ORIENTATIONISTS! Kung magpo-produce lang tayo ng mga sorry for the term, mga walang kuwentang seminarista at mga magpapanira sa kongregasyon, walang silbi ang ginagawa nating 3-day orientation. That's why I think we must put into consider that we must be responsible enough."

I hope this will be a wake up call for all of us!

...

MISUNDERSTOOD
by Bon Jovi

Should I? Could I?
Have said the wrong things right a thousand times
If I could just rewind, I see it in my mind
If I could turn back time, you'd still be mine

You cried, I died
I should have shut my mouth, things headed south, YEAH
As the words slipped off my tongue, they sounded dumb
If this old heart could talk, it'd say you're the one
I'm wasting time when I think about it

Chorus:
I should have drove all night, I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, Did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood

Could I? Should I?
Apologize for sleeping on the couch that night
Staying out too late with all of my friends
You found me passed out in the yard again

You cried, I tried
To stretch the truth, but didn't lie
It's not so bad when you think about it

Chorus:
I should have drove all night, I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
damn, misunderstood
Intentions good

It's you and I, just think about it...

Chorus:
I should have drove all night
I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
I HANGING OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR, I BEEN HERE BEFORE
MISUNDERSTOOD
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Intentions good.

Lenten Penance...

Tomorrow is the start of the season of Lent. And in line with the said season, the community of the carreño house of formation will be having its yearly leanten penance. But before we proceed to the meat of this reflection, maybe it's better to define first what is penance.

According to the Encarta dictionary, penance is defined as:

1. self punishment for committing sin
2. a Christian sacrament of reconciliation and
3. a duty imposed by a priest.


Maybe to sympathize with the Lord's suffering, it is a mandate for us to do penance as a sign of our sincerity to return to God; by committing sin no more. According to Don Bosco,to preserve purity, do not pamper the body (BM VI,8). If we do a little sacrifice for ourselves, we preserve purity, and if purity is a way to repent and return to the Lord. Therefore, doing a sacrifice or having penance is a way to repent and return to the Lord.

As future Salesians, we also practice community life. Therefore, we also do community penance for the season of Lent. We were given by Fr. Joe 2 requirements before we vote for our penance. One is it must be a "communitarian" penance meaning that all of us must benefit from it; better if we have the "common" denominator. And the second is the ordinary penance. Ordinary means not to break the seminary rules. Again, it must be also "communitarian". Yung tipong nilalabag namin yung mga rules pero dahil sa season ng lent, kailangan naming ituwid ang iyon sa pamamagitan ng penance.

After 2days of rsuggestion submission, we have come up with 2 community penance. First is we will drink coffee, chocolate, juices and use condiments only on Sundays and the second is we must be punctual in all activities. This also connects the avoidance of extension after lights off and the renewal of the "timekeeper's" duty. The second penance is very applicable to the "timekeeper" for he sometimes/often neglects his duty. Bell ringer na nga lang, nakakalimutan pa. What a..... shame.

Anyway, to end this reflection, let me tell you the main point of the season of Lent: that is in the 40 days of retreat, we must repent, and believe in the Gospel. Let us turn back to God who leads us to eternal life and genuine freedom.